Dancing with NPR

Originally published at KarenVernon.net on January 29, 2022

I have this DVD (yes, a DVD) that I incorporated into my winter exercise program last year. It’s called Body Groove, led by instructor Misty Tripoli. Of course, I could subscribe to the online streaming version and get access to all sorts of different workouts, but I opted instead for the long-lasting DVD and the one-time investment of a few bucks, since I am one of the world’s cheapest cheapskates. Which is also probably why I happen to still own a laptop with a functioning DVD player.

Make that past tense: happened to still own, until said DVD player went on the fritz last week, just as I was all set up in a spare bedroom, ready to get in a quick 30-minute workout before dinner. What’s a dancing girl to do?

A few words of background explanation here: As my husband and I like to say, he doesn’t dance, and I shouldn’t. I generally stick with that axiom, unless I’m at a social function and the spirits (shall we say) move me and convince me that, why yes, in fact, I can dance, and I need to do it right now. There are no doubt several new additions to the historical record on this phenomenon thanks to my son’s recent nuptials, when said husband briefly left me unattended. (Let this be a public warning that maternal / spousal / familial wrath like never seen before shall descend upon anyone who thinks it would be funny to share or make a meme of said evidence. The dancing shoes here are all the world will ever see.)

But I digress. Body Groove is perfect for people like me who, truly, cannot and should not dance. No rhythm whatsoever. “Dance like nobody’s watching,” for me translates to, “Please, God, nobody needs to see this.” Misty is generous with her instruction and always reminds participants to make the movements our own. She demonstrates all sorts of steps to all sorts of rhythms, but basically tells us to do our own thing and go where the music takes us.

This means I bounce along to country music and swing my arms to make a lasso; I walk like an Egyptian, striking some exceptionally [ahem] creative poses and making snake movements with my arms; I attempt the fancy footwork of the Charleston or the subtle bop of the Pony; sometimes I even do a little belly dancing. Or rather, my awkward, no-rhythm versions of all these. Since there are no rules and no one would dare watch, I’m free to do whatever I want, and I do, in fact, go wherever the music takes me. And get a pretty good, fun workout in the bargain, all in the privacy of my own home. 

Until the DVD player died, thwarting my plans. But thankfully, inspiration struck. 

It’s a good bet that one reason I have no rhythm is that I’m a news fanatic, and have spent way more of my life listening to news than to music – a crime nearly on par with my dancing, I know. 

A quick glance at the clock told me I could catch the last half-hour of All Things Considered on NPR, so I made lemonade from lemons. I danced my heart out while Mary Louise Kelly, Audie Cornish, and Ari Shapiro reported on the state of the economy and the Omicron surge. The music was (mostly) in my head, though I did take particular advantage of the soundtracks between segments – which NPR conveniently turns into a playlist each week. Who knew?

Maybe I’m onto something. Maybe this will be my new groove. Maybe I’ll start a trend. Dancing with NPR lets me multitask to my heart’s content. “All the news that’s fit to dance to.” 

Just please, for your own sake, avert your eyes – these moves were made for radio.